Wednesday, September 14, 2011

A Shocking Confession and a setback

Hi. I'm Laura......

And I'm addicted to food.

Shocking, right?? Maybe not to you, but to me, saying this, and admitting this is a big step for me. Because I didn't think I had an addiction problem.

For.... ever... I never thought food addiction was my problem. I didn't think food ruled my life. I mean heck, I could go an entire day without eating anything at ALL.  I would just have a big dinner and sometimes a late night snack.

So if you're only eating once in a day, that demonstrates all by itself that there is no "addiction."

Right?? Oh wait, you mean that's WRONG???

While losing weight, I discovered, much to my surprise... that yes, I am indeed addicted to food. Just like alcoholics are addicted to their booze, just like druggies are addicted to their drugs... I am addicted to food.

The varied periods of time in my life where I would only eat once a day - that one meal was always a good one, and it was always whatever I was "craving" that night.

My husband and I have always been big on going out to eat.

Often, the topic of dinner was brought up hours before. Sometimes my husband would bring up dinner before he even had lunch! We fattened the wallets of chain restaurants - Olive Garden, Outback, Red Lobster, Applebees, Bennigan's (before they closed down), Friendly's, and on and on. Our monthly totals from dining out were staggering! But the whole "going out to eat" problem is better left for another post! The point is that food and where to go, what to have... was always on our minds.

For the past few days I have been giving in to my cravings in a big way. I even ate ice cream for two nights in a row, and tonight I had a generous sized bowl. I am DISGUSTED with myself. I am angry at myself.

My husband wanted Outback last night. So what did we have? I ended up having about half of a 6 oz steak, some green beans, a salad (at least I used 0 calorie Walden Farms salad dressing), and then probably about HALF of that darn loaf of bread!!!! So even though I don't consider the majority of the meal TOO bad (though probably more calories than I should have had) - the bread killed it. And yes, I used the whipped butter. WHY did I do that!? Why did I do that, knowing it would sabotage my diet?

And then to add insult to injury, I had ice cream shortly after. I also ate like, 2 *boxes* of Fruit Loops in a matter of a day and a half. Seriously!? I am so mad at myself right now!! What is my problem!? And WHY have I been feeling so hungry that I'm just giving in to my cravings?

I REFUSE to be the yo-yo dieter.

I REFUSE to be the girl who loses a ton of weight....
...only to gain it right back.

Ugh. These past few days/weeks have been a setback. I am absolutely dreading my weigh-in at the clinic tomorrow. My last weigh in (2 weeks ago) I only lost .8 pounds. So in my opinion, I did not lose weight. Because let's face it, I could have just been wearing .8 pounds less of clothing for all I know!

Anyway will update when I can. I need to end here and publish otherwise this is going to sit in my "drafts" for ever. The first half of this post was actually in my blog drafts for months! :X


  1. No one understand what a food addict is going through unless you have been there yourself, and I for one have. I lost 126lbs and gained it all back. I'm in the process of losing it again. You are just having a little bump in the road, on your journey. It is okay for this to happen. When I was losing on my first journey, I left NO room for failure. I think you need to. You can learn from it. It will make you stronger. Try to work through whats going on that makes you want to eat of your plan. You have come so far and have done an amazing job! Hang in there!!

  2. I too have been where you fear going and I don't know how but I have to master not putting it back on this time. You have done so well you just cannot let it slide now. I know it feels dreadful now but after only a few days back strictly on plan you will feel so much better. Don't let it slide - grab your success with both hands and hold on tight to it
    Rooting for you